Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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