No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
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