just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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