i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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