She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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