i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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