What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
