I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
