Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
