the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Farmville is her only friend.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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