No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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