he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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