glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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