I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
