never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
