just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i think i have two assholes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
