I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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