I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
