I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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