last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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