I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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