i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
