okay pat passed out under dana's car
it wasn't lemon gatorade
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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