If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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