i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
