those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
