I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
our cab driver is having phone sex.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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