I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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