Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
