I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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