At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
