I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
