You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
