Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
In America we eat man semen.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
