Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
