I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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