what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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