think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
