When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
