dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
