Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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