I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
