Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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