let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
