I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't deserve a penis
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
