Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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