It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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