I'm going to rape someone's good day.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
