that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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