Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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