I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
