I'm lost and stupid without you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
