I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
