so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Randomize
