Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
