No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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