i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
try to milk me bitch
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