I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
