my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
