peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
