Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
