so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
