no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
