Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
