his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
