all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
