I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You did what with his pubic hair?
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