dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
