Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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